Unmarried People Can't Commit Domestic Violence

That is such a wonderful title.

Of course it only applies to Ohio, but it's great anyway.

This is the actual ruling by an Ohio Common Pleas judge this week. The basis for the ruling is a constitutional amendment passed by Ohio voters this last year. The wording of the amendment is very clear, and concise. The judge ruled that this amendment removes a battering partner from a felony domestic violence charge and places him under misdemeanor assault for pushing and slapping his girlfriend.

Prosecutors are outraged. I don't understand why. This is exactly what the residents of Ohio voted for. The people rule!

Watchers around the nation have been waiting for this ruling. Several other states (seventeen to be exact) have amendments that could (and probably will) produce the same results. Petty boyfriends around the nation are rejoicing.

Oh yeah, the exact wording of the amendment?







The new amendment prohibits any state or local law that would "create or recognize a legal status for relationships of unmarried individuals."

The amendment is affectionately known as the Gay Marriage Amendment.

Naked Man Charged With Assault While Displaying a Dangerous Weapon

Only in Iowa.

I'm really just tempted to leave the story here, but the story is almost as good as the headline. This is one of those wonderful stories that I don't even need to expand upon.

A forty-four year old man was the target of taunts and complaints from neighbors as he paraded around nude in his front yard (44? go figure). Instead of hanging his head in shame and hiding, the man went into his house and retrieved a 2 1/2 foot sword (the weapon of choice for nudists). He came out and threatened the neighbors, who called the police. The aggressive nudist was charged with assault while displaying a dangerous weapon, and faces two years in prison.

So, is that a sword in your hand, or are you happy to see me.

The Selling Habits of People Who Shouldn't be Allowed to Breed

Redneck shoppers are in a world of their own. Today I discovered a new breed. Redneck sellers. I've seen all the media hoopla about the toast, grilled cheese, etc., that people are selling because it carries a picture that is a religious icon. I even remember the one about the parents that sold the right to name their child. All very strange, all very "out there".

Now then, let me tell you a story...

In 1996 a young man (name withheld to protect the stupid) spent the evening at a strip joint to celebrate his bachelor party. While there (since it was his special night) he was invited to sit in a low chair on stage. The dancers did their normal bumping and grinding, making sure that he enjoyed his last night of freedom.

One of the featured dancers was a "specialist" named........ (wait for it) ............ Tawney Peaks.

Ms. Peaks carried a very impressive tool kit. 69HH to be exact. As Ms. Peaks entertained the young man and his friends she jumped up on his lap. Go ahead, work the visual. The young man describes what happens next:

"Apparently she jumped up and slammed her breasts on my head and just about knocked me out," the newspaper quoted the young man as saying. "It was like two cement blocks hit me. I saw stars. I've never been right since."

My personal feeling is that he probably wasn't right to start with.

Once the young man regained consciousness and tried to explain to his new wife what happened he took the obvious course. He sued. The young suffered head, neck and other injuries that caused bodily injury, disability, pain and suffering, disfigurement, mental anguish and loss of capacity for the enjoyment of life, the suit said.

So, jump forward several months and the suit was dismissed, finding no negligence against the club or any dancer.

The end.

Of that story.

Not of my story.


Last week Ms. Peaks (who retired in 1999, had killer implants removed and had breast reduction surgery) was cleaning out a closet. In the closet was a box. In the box were..... yep. You guessed it. Two very large, infamous, breast implants.

One of which is now up for auction on e-bay, stronghold of things that Ripley didn't believe.

Ms. Peaks sums it up in two quotes...

"Why not, I don't need it anymore."

and

"Somebody might bid on it. It's like the first boob to be sued over in a lawsuit."

Just for good measure she will be autographing the memento.

Enough said.

Cartoon Star Sins

So once again, censorship raises its ugly head. This time at a ceremony celebrating the best in motion pictures.

Think about it.....
The people that make money providing us with entertainment of all types are censoring a song because it might offend some people. Not because it's a lousy song, or because the singer is naked on stage, but because it might offend some people.

Robin Williams was slated to perform at the Academy Awards Show. The song was meant to lampoon James C. Dobson, whose group had criticized cartoon character SpongeBob SquarePants for appearing in a video it branded "pro-homosexual." I can't think of a better cause. ABC and the Oscar presenters decided to cut 11 of the 36 lines. Some of the lines from the song?

Pinocchio's had his nose done!
Sleeping Beauty is popping pills!
The Three Little Pigs ain't kosher!
Betty Boop works Beverly Hills!
Fred Flintstone is dyslexic
Jessica Rabbit is really a man
Olive Oyl is really anorexic
and Casper is in the Ku Klux Klan!
Chip 'n Dale are both strippers
Bugs Bunny's a sexaholic
Josie and the Pussycats dance on laps.
The Road Runner's hooked on speed
Pocahontas is addicted to craps.

I can say for myself that I'm not offended, and actually am thankful that somebody explained these things now!

Now, before anyone gets bent out of shape and starts a new rant, saying that I'm not understanding or compassionate, consider this.

I am actually considered "disabled" by some medical definitions. I suffer from "Pretty Lights Syndrome", otherwise known as ADD. Is it debilitating? Not really. Does it mess things up? Frequently. Do I mind when people make fun of it (or of me). Not at all. You know, I usually don't hear it because I'm too busy making fun of myself! I find it insane that I will sit and stare at a computer screen (more pretty lights) for hours, but I can't finish cleaning something because I get distracted.

So, hats off to Robin (again) for daring to poke fun at us, at our critics, at the stupid things that we do, and at the idiots (Hi, Mr. Dobson) who can't have fun in life.

And, pants off (posterior exposed, facing the viewer) to ABC and the Oscars who can't laugh at themselves or help us laugh at ourselves.