The Selling Habits of People Who Shouldn't be Allowed to Breed

Redneck shoppers are in a world of their own. Today I discovered a new breed. Redneck sellers. I've seen all the media hoopla about the toast, grilled cheese, etc., that people are selling because it carries a picture that is a religious icon. I even remember the one about the parents that sold the right to name their child. All very strange, all very "out there".

Now then, let me tell you a story...

In 1996 a young man (name withheld to protect the stupid) spent the evening at a strip joint to celebrate his bachelor party. While there (since it was his special night) he was invited to sit in a low chair on stage. The dancers did their normal bumping and grinding, making sure that he enjoyed his last night of freedom.

One of the featured dancers was a "specialist" named........ (wait for it) ............ Tawney Peaks.

Ms. Peaks carried a very impressive tool kit. 69HH to be exact. As Ms. Peaks entertained the young man and his friends she jumped up on his lap. Go ahead, work the visual. The young man describes what happens next:

"Apparently she jumped up and slammed her breasts on my head and just about knocked me out," the newspaper quoted the young man as saying. "It was like two cement blocks hit me. I saw stars. I've never been right since."

My personal feeling is that he probably wasn't right to start with.

Once the young man regained consciousness and tried to explain to his new wife what happened he took the obvious course. He sued. The young suffered head, neck and other injuries that caused bodily injury, disability, pain and suffering, disfigurement, mental anguish and loss of capacity for the enjoyment of life, the suit said.

So, jump forward several months and the suit was dismissed, finding no negligence against the club or any dancer.

The end.

Of that story.

Not of my story.


Last week Ms. Peaks (who retired in 1999, had killer implants removed and had breast reduction surgery) was cleaning out a closet. In the closet was a box. In the box were..... yep. You guessed it. Two very large, infamous, breast implants.

One of which is now up for auction on e-bay, stronghold of things that Ripley didn't believe.

Ms. Peaks sums it up in two quotes...

"Why not, I don't need it anymore."

and

"Somebody might bid on it. It's like the first boob to be sued over in a lawsuit."

Just for good measure she will be autographing the memento.

Enough said.