Corporate Responsibility

I received a letter at work a couple of days ago. This letter was written by the Director of a local charity that helps teens (and others) with substance abuse. The letter dealt with a product that we sell called "Shotglass Checkers". The item in question is a glass checker board that uses 12 round and 12 square shot glasses for checker pieces. The instructions on the box say that when you jump your opponent he/she must drink the contents of the glass. The instructions also suggest to fill the glass with your favorite softdrink or flavor of kool-aid (I'm really not naive, that's just what it says).

The letter very politely accused us of glorifying teenage binge drinking, and asked us to remove the product from the shelf.

Being the civic minded retailer that we are, we decided to go ahead and clean up the entire store at the same time. Some of the specifics:

• Obviously all the bar ware should be removed. Sorry adult drinkers, alcohol is killing you anyway.
• Candles and incense went into the trash for two reasons: It covers up the smells associated with drug use, and fire is dangerous. A child might play with the candle and burn the house down.
• Chocolate fondue? How decadent and unhealthy. Throw it all out. That means the candy too.
• Pots and pans. Americans are too fat. No more eating.
• Sheets, pillows, comforters, mattress pads, etc. These products all contribute to teen pregnancy.
  
• Massagers. Need I say more?
• Trash cans. Reduce, reuse, recycle. No more trash.
• Any and all products that contain plastic. This never decomposes and is destroying our earth.
• All products made in third world countries. Child labor is terrible.
• All products made in West Virginia or Kentucky. (Figure it out)
• All products made by, designed by, or marketed by women. A woman's place is in the home making babies, not in the factory.

At this point, we were all out of work, but the world is a better place. Gotta go collect my welfare check now.